Energy is a big topic these days, and I have to say I’ve run into some rotting bad ideas. Let’s try to top ‘em.
- Photovoltaic panels in mirrors. Surely you don’t need all of the light reflected off your mirror to preen in the morning? By adding these indoor solar panel screens in front of your mirrors, you can reduce wasted light and maybe even produce enough power to run your electric toothbrush for a second or two each night.
- Exercise bikes on buses. A two-for-one deal — improve public health while recovering some municipal expenses on petrol through commuter-generated electricity. Also, allows up-and-coming business chaps to truthfully claim that they came to work in a hybrid.
- Excited about OTEC? Try OSHIT! The novel Outer Space Hypothermic Inter-Transfer system involves a space elevator supporting a massive pipe between the surface of the ocean and the depths of Earth’s orbit. The pressure/temperature gradient between the ends of the pipe should drive a massive transfer of heat and material, which can be used to spin turbines.
- Impress the Ladies and Save the Earth with Eco-Suspenders. This innovative device capitalizes on shifts in energetically favored states in teenage males. At rest, the torso is slouched, and the Eco-Suspenders are merely snug over the enviro-activist-youth’s shoulders. However, in the presence of objects of sexual attraction (approx. 50% of known universe), the male automatically straightens to his maximal height and puffs his chest to demonstrate virility. The Eco-Suspenders unreel more strap-length during this expansion out of spinning reels in the pants-clips. Small electromagnetic generators attached to the reels convert the awkward posturing into clean electrical energy!
- Type faster, the batteries are dying! Do you love the feeling of the keys on your computer depressing with a cheerful click on each button-press, but feel guilty about all the wasted energy in your motions? Well, fear no more! By attaching tiny piezoelectric materials between the bottomsides of your keys and the actual pressure-sensor, every keystroke could deliver a jolt of electricity to recharge your battery! (Hmm, that doesn’t sound so wretched after all, just silly. Patent pending on this one. Seriously.)
- Suspended Load Brassieres.
- Harnessing the potential of stink. Odors spread via the diffusion of miscellaneous rancid molecules through the air. Install semi-permeable films (akin to those used in osmotic power production) in particularly high-stench-concentration areas, such as dirty sock bins and university co-housing basements. Behold, the power of [especially moldy] cheese!
